chuckyducky

I'm bored. FML. I want to go to Toronto, like, now. I want to play with Gavin and Elise. I want Elise to talk to me (even if she doesn't want to speak yet). I want to see Ate Nin and Kuya Agu and maybe, Ate Pat. Two more terms to go. Hahaha.

School? Still the same. I've been trying to look for what I'm passionate about, but I'm tired of it. Whatever. Enjoy lang. 

I think I'm still detached. I have no emotional connection with my school...I think. Hahaha. :p :p :p :p

Last week was a blur. Impulsiveness ruled over my decisions. I, however, do not regret anything I decided on. I'm happy.

Some things have the capability to make me happy, others just add to my "farm" of burden.

Third week of school.

It's amazing how our school has managed to evade all external forces and still continue to let students come to class. Are entrepreneurs robots, incapable of acquiring diseases? Haha. So, yeah. While all the other colleges and universities had their classes suspended/delayed, we still went to school. It's okay, though. At least we won't have a problem in catching up or whatever.

I've been really tense the last week, scared that I might not make it to the honors list this term. It all started with stat, when I was really unsure of my answers to last week's quiz. The papers were returned awhile ago and, thank goodness, I got a perfect score. It's too early to say anything now, but I hope I maintain what I started last term. 

It also scares me how I managed to become an honor student without working my ass off. Yes, I had a couple of sleepless nights, but those were results of my procrastination (choosing to sleep weeks before). I was able to pull those off, anyway. But yeah. I'm now trying to work my ass off, literally. Maybe I'll get better grades, I don't know.

But yeah, I'm doing this for a reason.

I'm confused.

What should I do with my life? I have no ambition. Wahaha. Kidding. My "journey" has been really weird. I don't know if I should regret anything because, despite all confusion, I am a very happy kid.

+ Should I have just went to Ateneo instead of UPLB?
+ Should I have just went to DLSU (Human Bio. Crap.) instead of UPLB?
+ Should I have just stayed in UPLB longer (instead of transferring to a business school)?
+ Do I even like what I'm studying? :|
+ Should I go back to UP (Diliman) next year? :))

I really don't know what to do with my life but I don't want to do just anything. I want to pursue something that I really like. I did not go to DLSU because the course that I passed would lead me straight to medicine. I didn't know if I wanted to be a doctor. When I found out that I passed LB, I didn't think twice and immediately decided that I was going to study there. Haha. Heck, why did I even choose Bio? And darn, it was too far away. Living in an off-campus apartment is a difficult task. I love my team.

Transferring into a business school was not as easy as I thought it would be. I was totally clueless. I didn't even know what R.O.I. (return on investment) meant. I studied hard (but did not kill myself in the process - it was just too strange and unfamilliar for me to immediately grasp). From Biology to Entrepreneurship - now that's funny. But yeah. I studied my ass off (Marketing. Crap.), gained A's, B+'s and B's and finished the term off with a 3.50 GPA (scale of 4.0). Hallelujah.

The problem: I don't know if I want to be an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurship in my school is difficult because they won't let you graduate until you put up a good and money-earning business. People graduate within the range of 4-7 years. I don't know if I'm up for that (and using my parents' money as capital! I'd rather that they just go back to Europe or something)! I'm thinking of shifting to Business Administration but I don't even know if I'm interested in that. Haha.

So yeah. If I keep my grades up, there's a chance for me to transfer to Diliman next year. If I still have that "I'm lost! I don't know what to do" feeling by January of next year, I'm transferring. A friend of mine got accepted into UPD (she came from my school) so there's a chance. And, I've decided to take my time.

Let's see where this takes me. This is going to be an exciting ride.

So yeah. I've been sick for a couple of days now. Crap crap crap. I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to see Dannie again (until December!). Good thing she visited me for a little over than 30 seconds. Surprise! Hahaha.

So, yeah. Dannie's leaving tomorrow. It's still not sinking in. It probably will when I realize that I won't see her in LNP gatherings anymore, or when I miss the random "Archie/Kris Allen" lyrics that we'd send through text. December, Neng! I'll see you then. My mom says I can stay in Vancouver for a few days (before heading to Toronto). Fetch me! Haha,

I'm using a small laptop and It's going to die anytime soon. Later.

If you feel so emphatic about it, then go ahead. I'm not stopping you.

I hate being number two. I hate being thoughtful in the sense that I go out of my way to "be able to do something" about "certain situations" and there you go about crap crap crap crap crap. I don't want to elaborate anymore.

I think I need to change, but I'm not blaming myself wholly for this.

I'm sorry.

Blah. I'm sick. I think I might have caught an intestinal bug or something. My stomach hurts like crap. I was not able to go to Elyse's house awhile ago for Dannie's final going-away fellowship. I hope I get well soon so that I'll be able to visit her before she leaves on Friday.

I still can't believe that she's leaving in three days.

I've gotten so used to people coming and going. Everybody leaves. The thing is, they do not leave without a reason. (I think.)

Crap. Can't write anything sensible. Stomach hurts again.

27 Days before my 19th.

I don't know if I should be excited or whatever. I want a lot of things but I won't ask for anything from my parents. Hahaha. Maybe in the coming months but I really have to fix my thoughts and rank what I want according to desire and practicality.

Whatever.

+ iPod touch (Not really for playing music, I've already got two (Nanos) for that. I want it for apps :>)
+ Charm bracelet (Juicy couture! Wahaha. If not, one from Rustan's will do. Or better yet, from this catalog thing I saw a few months ago)
+ Sanuks (They look real comfy. I want one!)
+ A new phone (My trusty ol' 6300 is slowly dying)
+ A love letter (Even if you aren't my lover :p Wahaha. Just kidding.)
+ Headphones (Yes, those big ones.)
+ Red Velvet cupcakes (Yum.)
+ Havaianas (It's been a while since I bought one. I want the purple one with the word "havaianas" in white. Forgot what it's called.)
+ Transpo from home and back (until I get my license. Wahahaha.)
+ Combos, Maltesers, Hershey's Symphony, Meiji Black, Mc Donald's Chicken Nuggets............ (I am a hungry like the wolf. Haha. Duran duran!)
+ A ring that will perfectly fit my finger (Challenging! I don't even know my size. It can be a mood ring or whatever. I'm just after the size assumption.)
+ Brooklyn Pizza (flavor: the one with a lot of cheese types. With "Happy Birthday, Rej!" Spelled out in M&M's. :p)

Hahaha. Mental block. I don't know what else I want.

OH!

+ Peace of mind
+ Discernment
+ Excellent grades
+ License ASAP.

Hahaha. So Yeah. I've got things planned out for my birthday. Treating my threefive friends early (June 6), lunch/dinner date with boyfriend at some buffet place (June 20 and/or 27), dinner with family (June 22). I haven't planned anything for my favorite high school friends and YA barkada. Whatever. Might become to lazy to go out. Hahahaha.

It's amazing how life can turn out the way that you least expect it.

I was definitely expecting the Glambert to win, but wow. Good Job, Kris Allen fans. I'm a fan myself but never did I expect that he'd win. Amazing fan base, I tell you. And the support from Arkansas, whoa. Thinking about pressing the "re-dial" button hundreds of times gives me the shivers.

May 22, 2008

Season eight's culmination had me thinking of last year's post-idol craze. Those days were INSANE. So many interviews. It was really keeping up with the numerous TV appearances (Tonight Show With Jay Leno, Larry King Live, Regis and Kelly, The Today Show.....) and radio shows. It was really tiring though, 'cause Cook kept on saying the same things over and over again (word nerd! Still adore him for it, though) whereas Archie always gave different answers, mostly with wit (The Archie and Cookie Show! OMG). Sigh. Those days were bittersweet. I was happy that Cook won but no more WTh18:00/20:30 show to look forward to anymore. But hear ye! There was still the summer tour to look forward to.

AND Then I went to UPLB, became stressed (damn you, Chemistry) and had little time to spare for fangirling purposes. Catching up is really difficult once you jump of the train. The threads in the forums became so long that I couldn't understand anything anymore.

Ha-ha. This is so funny. I'm actually blogging about the fall of my Cook fangirling.

I'm okay now, functioning normally and happy with what I have in my life. I'm someone's personal fangirl now. ;)

I'm not raving about it or anything. I don't hate it, either. It's just weird. It's supposed to be the peak of summer. I just was not expecting it to be this cold. I'm wearing a fricking hoodie! Amazing.

But yes, I am not complaining. I function better in the cold.

I'm off to LB tomorrow to get my fridge, oven toaster, dish "case" and etc. Amazing. I miss it. I miss our apartment. I think I'm going to cry.

Back to Skype-ing with Sammy.

 I know what freedom can do to a person. 

I've experienced it. It was fun, but let me tell you: it can ruin you.

Maybe paranoia's just taking over my head. Nothing's final yet, I think. But I don't know. It bothers me, really. I don't feel good about it. 

BLAHHHH. I'm blogging here because I'm avoiding Tabulas. I know for a fact that certain people will read it, and I'm just not up for it right now. 


@#$%^&*()_!@#$%^&*()

I need an effing car.